Thursday, February 21, 2013

Top 20 General Rules for Successful Relationships

If you want to avoid a whole hell of a lot of misery in your life then print these rules out, staple or tape them up where you can reference them and commit your social life to following them.  If you do, you'll be a lot happier.  Trust me.  Also be aware that while these rules are set in stone the use of excessive alcohol and / or illicit drugs may make these rules (in hindsight) seem flexible, especially while you are under the influence of said alcohol or illicit drugs.  Be warned!  These rules are not flexible.  If you bend them (or worse, break them) then prepare to pay the consequences that come with your decision to do so.

Top 20 General Rules for Successful Relationships

(learned the hard way from 1984 to 1992)

1.       The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.  Remember this!  There are very few exceptions to this rule and those exceptions are very far and very few between.  If you think you’ve found the exception to this rule … you haven’t.

2.       Never make someone a priority in your life when you are little more than an option in theirs.

3.       You can’t change a person so don’t try.  What you see is what you will get, now and forever.  Don’t fool yourself into thinking otherwise.

4.       Never give anyone a second chance.  Ever.  It may hurt like hell when it happens but years from now you’ll thank yourself for having a spine, a set of balls and dodging a whole bunch of misery that was heading your way.

5.       Never date anyone who has more emotional baggage than they can carry.  Life is too short to be someone else’s emotional pack mule.

6.       You can’t save everyone so don’t try.  Chances are you'll be lucky to save yourself.

7.       Never take anyone for granted.  Never allow yourself to be taken for granted either.

8.       Avoid women who have more problems than you have.  Financially.  Emotionally.  Intellectually.  Period.

9.       Don’t go slumming.  Ever.  Financially.  Emotionally.  Intellectually.  Ever.  Period.  In other words, use yourself as a benchmark and never accept less than what you are capable of in anyone you intend to spend a good part of your life with let alone plan on spending the rest of your life with.

10.   Avoid women on the rebound.  Life is too short to be someone else’s emotional trampoline that they can jump up and down on until they feel better or until they get their life back in order and decide to move on.

11.   Avoid the immature, the emotionally stunted, the psychos, the medicated, the codependent, the needy and the clingy.  All the makeup in the world can't cover up crazy.  You have been warned.

12.   If she’s willing to leave him for you then she’ll be willing to leave you for him (or for someone else).  Don’t be surprised when this happens.  After all, if he couldn’t trust her to stay when something better came along how can you ever hope to?

13.   If she drinks or smokes more than you, move on.

14.   If she can’t let go of her ex … if she still has feelings for him, feels sorry for him, pines for him, wants to meet with him for lunch or repeatedly talks to him via phone / email / texting then move on and don’t look back.

15.   If she is divorced with kids, tread carefully.  Her kids will come before you.   If they don’t, you’re looking at the wrong kind of woman.  Multiple kids by different men (especially if they were married at the time that they had them) should be your immediate cue to avoid saying anything deeper than “Hi.”.

16.   If she’s materialistic or focuses only on one aspect of your life (your guitar playing, your car, your motorcycle, etc.) … move on.  Fast.

17.   No woman is worth your tears and the woman who is won't make you cry.

18.   If she says any of the following then leave skid marks from your shoes on the pavement when getting away: “I’m not like all the others.”, “I won’t hurt you.” or “I won’t lie to you / cheat on you / leave you.”

19.   Don’t waste time playing silly or stupid games.  Life is too short to play silly or stupid games.  If she wants to play silly or stupid games then let her … with herself and by herself.

20.   If she suddenly walks out on you and what you both have for no really good reason then just remember; she’s someone else’s misery now.  Get on with your life and forget her.

Bonus Rules !!!

21 - Never date a woman who drives a car that you can't afford to replace.  If she drives a car that you can't afford to replace, you're the toy.

22 - Never put your dick into crazy !!!  (Actually this should be rule #1)  I shouldn't have to explain this one and if I do then you're too dumb to be having sex.  Just don't ever, ever do it.  Never, ever, ever.  Period.

“There comes a point in your life when you realize who matters and who never did, who won't anymore and who always will.  So, don't worry about people from your past because there's a really good reason why they didn't make it to your future.” - Unknown